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The Relationship Compass – Should You Be Headed Into or Out of Your Relationship

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The only investors staying the course are those with a broken compass.”

— from an ad for BNY Mellon

When I saw this ad it immediately made me think about people who enter and/or stay in unhealthy, unhappy relationships. Some people seem to have a broken Relationship Compass. They enter relationships with people they shouldn’t be with or they stay in relationships they shouldn’t stay in. Let’s look at some of the reasons this happens.

The family that you grew up in might have set a model for relationships that isn’t a good model. It could be a family where there was violence, hostility, intimidation, alcoholism, etc. If this is what you grew up with, then this is what you might consider “normal” or inevitable. If that’s the case, then you could tolerate, accept, or expect such unhealthy things to exist in your own relationships.

The culture that you grew up in could have taught you to expect or tolerate things that shouldn’t exist in a healthy relationship — like sexism, alcoholism, violence, etc. In this case, even if you recognize what’s wrong, you may consider those things the “natural” or inevitable components of relationships.

The family or culture that you grew up in might have told you that leaving relationships is unacceptable, intolerable, unforgivable, or immoral. In this case, even if you figure out that the relationship is a bad place to be, you may believe that you must not or cannot leave it.

Cultures in which obedience or submission are values, particularly in women, give the intentional message that the vows are unconditional, and that there is no justification ever for terminating them, since decision-making isn’t within your power.

Cultures or religions in which the vows are considered unconditional compacts make it clear that terminating a relationship is unacceptable without exception. This can be a moral or religious issue where there is never a justification for “breaking a solemn promise”.

Families sometimes say, explicitly, things like, “You made your bed; now lie in it.” In this case the belief is that choices are irrevocable and that mistakes are uncorrectable. There is even a message, explicit or implicit, that you should be punished for having made a mistake.

There could be compelling reasons to stay even if you feel it’s an unhealthy place to be.

If you believe (accurately or erroneously) that you can’t support yourself or your children if you leave a bad relationship, you may feel you must stay. This consideration sometimes trumps any consideration for the toxic quality for you or your children of remaining permanently in an unhealthy situation.

If you fear retribution if you even attempt to leave, then staying may feel safer than leaving. Even with the increasing availability of sanctuaries for people who leave abusive situations, not everyone is convinced that safety can be ensured if they leave.

If you fear that you will be rejected by extended family, friends, or society if you leave, you may stay because you fear ostracism from your support system. It can feel safer, and even more comfortable, to remain in an unhealthy situation and retain your social network than it would be to leave and be isolated socially.

Sometimes people believe that the natural course of relationships involves phases during which the relationship is not good or positive and that this is just the way it is, either temporarily or as a permanent evolution of the relationship.

If this is a temporary situation AND it is addressed by one or both partners, that’s not necessarily troublesome or a reason to consider exiting the relationship.

If it’s been an increasingly negative trajectory, this should not be assumed to be the natural course of relationships. Healthy relationships get BETTER over time, not worse. As partners mature and as they increasingly learn how to be better partners, healthy relationships grow stronger, more positive, and more loving. (Sometimes that’s because there was in fact a rough patch that they navigated in healthy and growthful ways.)

Serious relationships deserve serious consideration and substantial effort before they’re terminated. I am not advocating precipitous action to terminate a relationship because there’s a rocky moment or even problematic behavior or interaction.

I am suggesting that for some people, because of history, training, or personality, or because of fear, loyalty, or unreasoning hope, sometimes the Relationship Compass points IN when it should, more self-respectfully, point OUT.

The Psychology of the S&M Lifestyle

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For many years, the concept of being flogged, humiliated, and whipped has long been associated with punishment and suffering. To be demeaned in this manner was unacceptable for most people, creating a social stigma that stands to this day. The stigma is so strong that people who want to go through that sort of treatment willingly were seen as having had their mental health compromised. In some circles, it can also be considered a sign of poor sexual health. However, according to more recent findings, neither mental nor sexual health are compromised by a desire to be bound and dominated. The Sadism and Masochism (S&M) community are not a group of deviants with poor mental health, but simply one that has tastes that vary from the norm.

In some ways, it allows people to be able to better connect to a side of themselves that has been suppressed. For example, one woman who enjoyed choking her partner during orgasm had a childhood of suppressing emotions and feelings. She had grown up psychologically suppressing things like sexual desire and her own need for a meaningful relationship. While she had outgrown most of it by adulthood, she remained partially detached from the act of intercourse, leaving her to regard the activity as bland and unexciting. It was only when she discovered the psychological “high” she got from choking her partner that she started to enjoy sex. Her psychologist believes that the act of choking someone has helped her bridge the mental gap between her desires and her personality, allowing her to temporarily let go of her inhibitions.

Some psychologists have also come to believe that S&M may also be connected to stress relief and escapism. In general, members of the S&M community engage in role-playing during sessions, with a person who usually appears as a timid librarian being a foul-mouthed, whip-toting dominatrix in her basement. This role-playing temporarily grants them a reprieve from the nature of their lives, giving them a much needed escape from the stress and anxiety of the modern world. The nature of the activity makes it such that the people involved focus only on each other and the raw physical sensations of the acts, allowing them a short amount of time to get away from whatever it is they feel a need to get away from. While this may not explain the reasons for the entire S&M community, it may explain some of the motivations behind this behavior.

It should be noted that the S&M community is a separate group from people who have sexual sadism. The core difference is that S&M practitioners are perfectly sane individuals who simply enjoy playing roles that they would not be expected to in their everyday lives. Activities for them are consensual and there is a complex web of unspoken rituals and unwritten rules that prevent either participant from inflicting permanent or serious harm upon one another. In contrast, sexual sadism is often non-consensual and, by the very nature of the activities, is designed to inflict as much harm as possible for as long as possible. There are some circles that believe sexual sadists are the reason why the S&M community normally shuns the terms sadist and masochist, preferring to avoid the negative psychological connotation.

One benefit that accepting S&M as a part of someone’s private life has had is an enhancement of one’s sex life. People who have come to accept it and have found partners who welcome it have reported that their sex lives have improved, as well as their emotional connection to one another. They report that there is a deeper sense of connection and understanding, likely due to the openness needed for both partners to accept such “unusual” tastes.

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Matt Huston’s Ex2 System – Last Ditch Effort To Get Her Back Or Powerful Relationship Tool

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Do you want to know if Matt Hustons Ex2 System really can get your ex to change their mind about your breakup? Have you tried just about everything to get her to change her mind and she just isnt listening? Are you tired of all the lame advice out there that promises to show you how to get your ex back? Are you just about ready to give up or are you afraid that she has moved on with another guy? Well, youre pretty close there since there is a very good possibility that there is some other guy that has his eyes on her or actually was the reason why your girl broke up with you. So theres no time to waste here!

Matt Hustons Ex2 System isnt just some sort of last ditch effort to help you get your ex back. These methods can be used at any point in your relationship. It doesnt matter if she just broke up with you or you fear that she is going to break up with you or youve been broken up for a long time. Matt Hustons Ex2 System and the additional Train Your Girlfriend Manual can be used to get you the devotion and respect that you deserve in your relationship to make your girl want you and only you no matter what the circumstance.

You see, women are emotional creatures, as you probably already know, and the Ex2 System plays upon this fact and uses dirty psychological tricks and teaches you how to push her emotional hot buttons to bring about a response that you will be quite happy with. Just think of it this way you probably have the ability to push her buttons to make her argue with you, right? But with Matt Hustons Ex2 System you will now know how to push her emotional hot buttons to make her crazy about you again. And once you have her back you will know how to push her buttons to keep her devoted to you. Kind of sneaky and underhanded but you want to get her back, right?

How Powerful Is The Ex2 System? And how powerful are the tricks inside the Ex2 System? They are powerful enough that with very little effort from you it is possible to have your ex begging and crying for a second chance with you. Yes, the typical response from a woman who is the focus of these dirty psychological tricks is to completely fall apart and desire you and only you no matter what is going on in her life. Guys have had their ex do a complete 180, dump their new boyfriend and show up at their door begging and pleading for another chance.

How Fast Does It Work? The speed with which the methods in the Ex2 System will work on your girl is dependent upon a few factors. It depends how long youve been broken up, how much damage you have done since your breakup, external factors such as a new boyfriend and how much contact you have had with her since your breakup. But the biggest factor that will affect how long it will take for you to get your ex back is how diligent you are in following through with the plan inside The Ex2 System.

Many guys will begin to see progress and just about have their ex back but they feel sorry for their ex and wind up letting up and they fall back into old patterns of behavior. Then they wind up having to start all over. But guys who follow through with the plan as laid out by Matt Huston find that not only do they get their ex back but they finally have the power, control and respect in their relationship that they only had back in the beginning of their relationship. You remember what it was like she just thought you were wonderful and you could do nothing wrong and she was all over you.

Do you want to get her back and never have to worry about her leaving you ever again? Do you want her to respect you and be sorry for ever breaking up with you? Do you want the control in your relationship that you once had and have her show you the devotion that she once did? Well, then you owe it to yourself to check out Matt Hustons Ex2 System a little closer and find out what other guys are saying about these powerful methods before its really too late.

Effective Communication The Key To Successful Conflict Resolution In A Long Distance Relationship

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Long distance relationships are not immune to the conflicts that occasionally rare up in all forms of human interactions. The first time that a conflict occurs between a couple in a long distance relationship, they are likely to get alarmed wondering whether the conflict could be a signal that their relationship is headed for the rocks. After all, long distance love relationships are delicate, or arent they?

Well, the occurrence of a conflict in a relationship in which the partners are separated by distance doesnt necessarily signal the beginning of the end for that relationship. How well your long distance relationship survives the conflicts that come its way depends to a very great extend on how you handle the conflicts and attempt to resolve them.

There are three keys to successful conflict resolution in long distance relations (as in all relationships indeed), namely communication, communication and communication.

Communication has variously been described as the bridge that bridges the chasm that is human misunderstanding. Now a common thread that runs in all conflicts that affect human interactions is a feeling that one is not being understood, or that ones point of view is being looked down upon. And petty as these feelings sound on paper, they can actually be very painful when it is you who is experiencing them. But whatever the cause of conflict in a long distance relationship, and whatever the emotional feelings underlying it, you (either as the party who has been wronged or as the allegedly at-fault party) will have to communicate properly with other party to the long distance relationship, if your conflict is to have an amicable resolution.

Communication as used in conflict resolution basically means making an effort to see things from the other partys point of view, even if you dont accept with that point of view. Once you can communicate to the other party that you are seeing things from their point of view (or at least making an attempt to), then you would be in a position to put your own point of view across to them with a greater chance of success. And once you can see things from the other partys point of view, and the other party can see things from your point of view, you have a better chance of finding a midpoint or a compromise position between your points of view on whatever issue happens to be the source of your conflict and thereby resolve the conflict amicably.

Relationship Roles Return To Tradition

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BEVERLY HILLS, CALIFORNIA – Relationship roles and social values have made a return to the traditional, as noted by professional matchmaker, Suzanah Juras.Juras, owner of Femme de Maison a private social club in Beverly Hills, California, spotted the returning trend in relationship roles through client requests. “It’s seems like there is a renaissance of traditional relationship values,” says Juras, whose clients are some of the most elite of society. “My clientele work demanding schedules with even more demanding social lives. They are looking for a partner willing to help balance the madness.” The Beverly Hills, California executive matchmaker service is renowned among the rich and famous for their elite social introductions for affluent men to the most desirable and beautiful women.

Members are selected for membership to this exclusive club which consists of the most successful and accomplished of individuals. “It’s easy to assume these men are simply looking for a trophy wife,” says Juras. “We have some of the most gorgeous women no other matchmaking services offer, but the majority of my clients are looking for someone with whom they can share their wealth. They desire someone with whom they can share their home and lives.”s.”

A beautiful home overseen by a beautiful wife is indeed a legitimate desire. For most men, walking in the door after a hard day at the office and being greeted by a lovely woman with the smell of dinner cooking in the background can be classified as practically narcotic. What was common many decades ago has somehow become a rarity for couples.

At one time, men provided for their families by working outside the home. Women remained at home taking care of the home and family. From the industrial age to the feminist movement, relationship roles have shifted throughout history.

For most couples, both partners now work outside the home. Men now pitch in equally with the cooking and cleaning. Women now share in financial responsibilities of the household.

A struggling economy has forced some couples to exchange roles in the home entirely. Many women have found employment faster and easier than their male counterparts resulting in a rising number of stay-at-home dads. Still, many women have expressed a desire to return to the privilege of remaining at home with their families. As for singles, the desire to find someone to share their home and their lives has been a challenge.

Busy with responsibilities of their careers, many singles have turned to online dating or utilize a matchmaking service to find someone special.Men and women alike have expressed a desire to return to traditional roles in relationships says the aLos Angeles matchmaker. Some are simply consumed with the responsibility of providing for their family, such as single parents.

In most situations, the luxury of being able to stay at home with the family is expressed by many singles desiring to find a partner for a traditional relationship. The fear of the financial strain thwarts their hope. “They see situations with their peers where a partner has lost their job and is unable to find employment,” says Juras. “The responsibility shifts to the woman to be the sole provider for their family and this scares some women. Great pressure is now placed on women to help support their families.”

This does not indicate women do not want to stay home with their family. They are just doing what needs to be done and they deserve great respect and admiration.

Not to be discouraged by economic pressures and societal differences, there still remains a population who long for traditional roles in relationships.

Singles have many alternatives when it comes to finding love. For those who seek a more marriage-minded relationship, Juras recommends utilizing a reputable matchmaker.

Learn More
Learn more about Femme de Maison and their services by visiting www.FemmeDeMaison.com

About Feme de Maison
Femme de Maison is an elite matchmaking company based in Los Angeles, California which offers social introductions to distinguished men.

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