All posts in Relationship

How To Avoid Being Caught In A Controlling Relationship

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Even though controlling relationships are almost universally considered to be negative and very undesirable, they are far more prevalant than people realize. They are primarily the by-product of children being raised in homes with one or more controlling parents, and/or a highly unstable environment due to negative events.

The person who is trying to do the controlling is almost always trying to compensate for the “out of control” nature of the environment they grew up in. Internal fears of life spiralling out of control plague people with regular control problems. Their context for life was set in childhood and they often continue living out of that paradigm even though it’s no longer relevant.

The unstable home environment could have been a result of an alcoholic parent(s), an absent workaholic parent(s), the breakdown of the marriage, or some form of physical or emotional abuse. If a parent withholds love and affection as a means of keeping the child under their thumb, this destructive behaviour can carry over into adult relationships and cause a lot of problems.

The person who chooses to marry or date the controller is doing so because of one or a combination of the following reasons. 1. This is what they grew up with and it’s what they’re accustomed to. Although it’s not pleasant, being controlled is strangely comfortable. 2. They are attempting to change the controller, to reform them. This is often done unknowingly. The unconcious intention is to try and repair a disappointing relationship they had with their parent(s). 3. Being in a relationship with a controller makes them look good, because when they measure their own behaviour against the controller’s, they look like their doing a pretty good job of running their life, even though they’re probably not. 4. As times life seems easier while in a relationship with a controller because the controller makes most if not all the decisions for both people. It gives them someone to blame when things don’t work out right because…they didn’t make the decision!?!?

There are a few things to consider if you are looking to steer clear of a controlling relationship.

1. If being controlled is what you are used to, what you grew up with, then it’s vital to realize that “you are not responsible for the environment you grew up in.” In dysfunctional homes, the children tend to take responsibility for the parent’s problematic behaviours. In controlling homes it’s common for the parent(s) to blame the child as a means of off loading responsibility and thus paralyzing the child. In order to drive it deep into your subconcious mind, I suggest you repeat that phrase over and over. “The environment you grew up in was not your responsibility, not your doing.” As importantly, “you are 100% response-able, able to respond, to your life as an adult.” You can learn the skills and run your life well without the need to have a controlling person manipulating you.

2. If it’s your intention to try and reform a controller….please stop. Trying to control something you have no control over is the best possible way to create insanity in an individual. The only control any of us have is over ourselves. We can gain tremendous increases in our sense of control over our own lives if we will spend our time working on our own hangups and misgivings. Efforts to correct a controlling person are really only futile attempts to control them.

3. As an attempt to cover up your lack of personal initiative, don’t hide behind a controlling person’s unhealthy actions to make yourself look good. Find a reason for living that brings joy to you and others. Do some research into your life purpose. Why are you here? We’ve most likely never met, you and I, yet I am quite sure you have abilities and gifts that can be used to make the world a better place to live.

4. Learn how to make decisions for yourself. Being in a relationship with a controlling person can be pretty terrific because they are more than happy to make most if not all the decisions. That seems to make things easy, except that you aren’t developing the habit of making good decisions. This step is primarily about your will and rarely about skill. “But I don’t know how!” you protest. You will learn. Bit by bit, day by day. The process of learning to make better choices is the same as learning any new skill, it gets better and better with more practice. Practice does not make perfect, but it sure makes life a lot more pleasant!

Australian Visas Evidence Of Genuine Relationship

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If you are getting a visa for Australia as a partner (as a spouse, de facto, fianc and interdependent), you will be asked to provide proof of genuine and continuing relationship. Whether you are applying for the first time as for a temporary Australia visa or for a more permanent partner visa, this is often included as part of the requirements.

One of the things you can present is a statement or statutory declaration outlining the history of your relationship. It can include details such as how, when and where you first met. You may also include details of how your relationship developed, when you decided to get married or start a defacto relationship and your current domestic arrangements. If youve had periods of separation, this must also be included with reason why the separation occurred and when. Your future plans are also a vital part of your declaration.

There are also four categories that need to be accomplished as evidence of your ongoing relationship: financial aspect, nature of the household, social context of the relationship and the nature of your commitment to each other.

When applying for a partner visa for Australia, you will be required to provide evidence that you share financial commitments and responsibilities such as joint ownership of assets, sharing of finances, legal commitments, or having joint bank accounts.

You will also be asked to provide evidence that you and your partner share responsibilities within the household as part of your Australia visa application. This may include your living arrangements, distribution of housework, joint ownership of rental of the residence, utilities accounts, living expenses and more.

For social context, you would need to provide evidence that shows you and your partner are generally accepted as a couple socially (ie in invitations), the assessment of your friends, declaration to government parties, statutory declarations made by parents and family members. Joint participation in groups, travel, sports cultural events and social activities are also acceptable evidence.

You may also be asked to provide evidence on the nature of your commitment to each other, including knowledge of each others personal circumstances, intention that the relationship will be long-term, terms of wills, etc.

It is advised that you provide as much evidence as you can that will support the stability of your relationship. You may be asked to provide information during the processing of your Australian visa.

Sure Ways To Get Your Girlfriend In The Mood

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No matter how good you are. The longer you are in a relationship, the less interesting it becomes. The relationship becomes duller the more you continue. It gets boring. But there is one thing that can still keep the relationship going fine; it is your ability as a guy to get your girlfriend in the mood every time you are together. This is your ability to make your girlfriend ask for more in bed.

This is a very important aspect of a relationship so as not to look as if you are tired of yourself. There are ways to spark a roaring fire and get your girlfriend wet and horny for you. This will definitely send boredom out of your relationship and get both of you aroused any time you are together. Just try the following tips and see your girlfriend in mood always within some seconds.

(1)Talk dirty a little

At times, what your girlfriend needs is your ability to balance gentleness with other loud habits. For instance, your girlfriend might be the kind that doesn’t want to hear dirty words. But the truth is that most girls pretend as if they are not interested in some words, your ability to balance these with other habits matters in a relationship is important. Such words are good to turn her mood on for the day. Words like “If you can imagine what I will do to you tonight” said at innocent time will get her in mood fast. Couple it with suggestive looks and glances at forbidden zones to punctuate the message. Do this at random throughout the day to get her imagination spinning.

(2)Catch her unaware

Your ability to surprise your girlfriend at anytime is an important aspect of the relationship. Doing some crazy things sometimes is good. Things like carrying her in public without her pre information are nice. This will turn her on as fast as you could think. She will be delighted at the attention and your action will easily spark up the old romance. This is one tip that matters in turning your partner on anytime.

(3)Make her jealous

As well, try to create jealousy in her by not being around every time. Sometimes you may need to turn down some of her invitations, this may be hard but you have to do it. It will help you to be valued anytime you are around her. Limit your time with her. If you are finding it hard to do this, you can pick up some hobbies that can be taking some of your time or you can get involved in some sporting activities. This will enable her to value any time you two have together and she will be turned on easily at anytime you try to put her in the mood.

(4)Touch her always

One thing you must be conversant with is your ability to be touching your girlfriend any time you are together. Ladies love to be touched every time especially when it is from a man they love. It gives them a sense of care and love. Show your girlfriend you’re not like other men. Show her you’re sensitive and caring by touching her frequently. Allow her to rest her head on you any time you are sitting close to each other, make her lie on your lap and fond her ear lobe or her cheek. This go a long way in communicating your caring ability to her and it is a good point to start romance.

Getting your girlfriend turned on any time is as easy as this. All you need to do is to be sensitive and be alert. Make use of all the tips mentioned above and you will forever enjoy your relationship.

Top 10 Lottery Horror Stories

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Not very many people win the lottery, but of those who win, many lose all their winnings and end up with less money than before they won. Some winners were simply foolish, some were greedy, some had greedy relatives and friends, and some fell prey to thieves and crooks. Here are the stories of 10 people who won the lottery then lost it all.

#1 Evelyn Adams

In 1985 AND 1986, Evelyn Adams won the lottery – equaling a total winning of $5.4 million. However, today – she has no money “Winning the lottery isn’t always what it’s cracked up to be,” says Evelyn Adams, who won the New Jersey lottery not just once, but twice (1985, 1986), to the tune of $5.4 million. Today the money is all gone and Adams lives in a trailer. She lost money in slot machines, and couldn’t seem to say no to relatives and friends. Evelyn’s big win ended in a big loss.

#2 William Post

In 1988, William Post won $16.2 million in the Pennsylvania lottery but now lives on his Social Security. Post’s former girlfriend sued him for a share of his winnings and one of his brothers was arrested for hiring a hit man to kill him, hoping to inherit a share of the winnings. His relationship with his other siblings was also strained and he spent some time in jail. Within a year, he was $1 million in debt and eventually declared bankruptcy. He now lives on only $450 a month and food stamps.

#3 Suzanne Mullins

In 1993, Suzanne Mullins won $4.2 million in the Virginia lottery. Now she’s deeply in debt to a company that lent her money using the winnings as collateral. She borrowed $197,746.15 from this company, but eventually stopped making payments on the loan. She blamed the debt on the lengthy illness of her uninsured son-in-law, who needed $1 million for medical bills. Needless to say, her lottery win did not end in happiness.

#4 Ken Proxmire Ken Proxmire won $1 million in the Michigan lottery. Within 5 years he filed for bankruptcy after moving to California and starting a car business with his brothers. He has now returned to his job as a machinist.

#5 Willie Hurt

In 1989, Willie Hurt of Lansing, Mich., won $3.1 million. Only two years later he was broke and charged with murder after spending his fortune on a divorce and crack cocaine.

#6 Janite Lee

In 1993, Janite lee of Missouri won $18 million. Lee was generous to a variety of causes, including various political organizations, education programs and the community services. According to published reports, eight years after winning, Lee had filed for bankruptcy with only $700 left.

#7 Southeastern Family

In the early 1990s, a Southeastern family won $4.2 million. In almost no time at almost all of their winnings were spent on a huge house, cars, and various requests from family members. They bought a huge house and succumbed to repeated family requests for help in paying off debts. Eleven years after winning, the couple got divorced, the house was sold and what was left of their lottery winnings had to be split.

Help! My Ex Is Dating Someone Else – What Is A Rebound Relationship And What Can I Do

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You just broke up with your ex and now she is dating someone else a.k.a a rebound relationship. So, can you get her back and how do you get her back? Well, let’s first discuss what exactly is a rebound relationship. It is a relationship that happens right after a breakup because your ex is trying to get over you.

You see, rebound relationships is a tool that folks use so they don’t have to deal with the pain and emotions of breaking up. In short, they are using other people to move on from a real love (that would be you).

So the key thing to remember about rebound relationships is that she is using another guy to deal with losing you.

And here is another key thing to keep in mind, it really doesn’t matter why she lost you or whether not not it was your fault or hers. All that really matters is you really do have a real love between each other.

And the reason I say this is because just about every single relationship I know of that was real and based on real love can be saved!

Yes! You heard me right. Your relationship can be saved if it was based on true love for each other.

Usually when someone is in a rebound relationship, they are focused on doing the opposite of what your relationship was like. And why? She is trying to avoid the problems that happened with the relationship with you. So if you are a good guy, she will be dating a “bad boy.” Or if you were quiet and introspective, she may be dating a outwardly and bomastic kind of guy. Get the drift. Opposites.

But the very fact that your ex is focusing on the differences between you and the other dude is actually good news for you for 2 reasons. She is still thinking about you while she is with the other guy (the other guy won’t be happy about hearing that!). And the second thing is you can find out exactly what she is looking for in a relationship.

So use the rebound relationship to your advantage to determine what she wants. What she was missing. And use that time apart from her to make little changes in yourself.
Now, this is going to be a little difficult for some guys to take, but let the rebound relationship run its course. Don’t put any pressure on her or freak her out by doing anything stressful. Just relax and wait it out. After a while she will begin to see flaws in him (they mostly do) and after a month or more you are going to start looking a whole lot better to her.

This is why you do not want to rush back to her and fight for your relationship. It is always better to let her find out that she misses the great times she had with you that she isn’t getting from the new guy. But just be ready if she does make an attempt to get back with you. Be nice. Be very gentle and understanding. And above all, be that new and improved model of a boyfriend. But do not chase after her because it is the worst thing you can do. You will actually make her more determined to stick it out with her new boyfriend.

To sum it up. Here is what you will be doing if she is in a rebound relationship:

1) Stay away. Let her figure out that you were the love of her life.

2) If you did something wrong that caused the breakup, only apologize once. Anymore, and you will lose points in her eyes. So apologize if you did wrong just once and then just move on with your life.

3) Stop watching those Hollywood movies for making up tips! Do not make any promises to change because the original you is the guy she fell in love with. However, that doesn’t mean you cannot make some small changes. But don’t tell her that.

4) Don’t use any logic! It doesn’t work. I see this all the time. Folks trying to make the other person see that it wasn’t their fault logically. So don’t do it. Take it for sure that your ex is smart enough to know the difference. On her own.

5) And this is probably the most important advice I can give you. Do not ever beg her to take you back. If you do, you might as well pack it in because it ain’t happening.
So here it is again, you just learned that your ex is in a rebound relationship to get over you. And you do have a fighting chance but you have to give her some room to figure that out on her own. And the key thing is being in a rebound relationship most likely means she is still in love with you. Good luck buddy.